Absurd Bulletin : Story of the World

I am more alert about what is happening around me and around you, now than ever. A couple of months into it now, I have made it a habit to read newspapers. Yes, I was not always doing that. So I decided to put together some news that refuse to die down for me. There are shitloads of activities happening in every department in the world and this article would be followed up with many of them.

split, everything

So, well we all have read and heard about the mess Tiger ‘philanderer’ Woods got himself into. A Nike endorsee, he couldn’t have done more justice to his brand. He just did it. And went on doing it. The baby-faced golfer thought he could get away with all of that, but his wife thought otherwise. Woods has reached a settlement with his wife and to-be ex-wife Elin and has agreed to pay her $750 million. burp! So to use his golf stick off the field with 3 women excluding his wife he has agreed to pay that much. The agreement also requires Woods to not meet his 2 kids for atleast four days in one week. But I wonder what his wife is going to do with 3500 crores. Go somewhere for a vacation and not comeback?

enough of this ..

Ranjitha – the actress who got instant fame for her infamous fling with Nithyananda is putting down a book which would talk about the ways and means to fight controversies. Yes, I did not expect anyone else to even think on those lines. Some people just cannot live without being in the news. Now that she has tasted fame through the ugly news, instead of finding a safe place to hide her face she came out and announced this. I still pity you, Ranjitha.

leave me be ..

Nalini Sriharan is still in jail after she killed Rajiv Gandhi by blowing him up. For those who do not know its been close to 20 years for her in prison. Rajiv Gandhi did have a hand in Warren Anderson fleeing the country after the Bhopal gas tragedy. Gandhi was India’s prime minister then. Somewhere down the line he did pay for doing injustice to those 500000 people who were affected by the leak. I guess its enough for Nalini, she should be acquitted now.

save our tigers, how?

The country’s tiger count is still at 1411. Forest officials should use some strong aphrodisiac to arouse the male tigers and get them to mate with the tigresses. But with the number of advertisements doing the rounds that speak about the tiger count I get a feeling that all 1411 of them belong to the same sex, and hence the worry.

The condition of hoardings and placards in Chennai remains the same. Karunanidhi and his son Cinthol Senthil have virtually taken up all the ad-space in Tamilnadu. They are all over. They haunt me more than my credit card bills do. Sobriety has reigned most part of the last one month for me, and I am listening to a lot of John Frusciante‘s songs as of now which implies you should get his albums if you have not heard them. His tracks managed to touch me at all the right places.

fvck you, Paul!

Focus. India just lost 3000 crores due to the one-day bandh, but I was still in office. Eight-legged celebrity, Paul is spoiling all the fun at the world cup. How I wish Al-Qaeda is active now. And, a couple of days back TOI carried the world headlines that said Marilyn Monroe‘s chest x-rays fetched $45,000 in an auction, and few days later they said a jam made out of Princess Diana‘s hair is being sold at five pounds in London. Extending the obituary column would have made them richer rather than this news. I mean come on. Who gives a fvck? – even Zygnema doesn’t.

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Sania to wed Shoaib – an introspection

Like any other game between the two neighbouring nations India and Pakistan, even this match is going to be interesting. More so due to some sudden turn of events. Its hot news turning cold that Sania Mirza is getting married to Shoaib Malik. Even Barkha Dutt wasted her time interviewing Sania on a news channel asking her questions that related her marriage to some kind of a political statement. Not that I am a fan of Barkha but she need not do senseless interviews at this stage. We are talking marriage here. And knowing the fact that a smart champion would not get married just to make some kind of a statement, you still go about the whole thing is not done. That is all I have in support of Ms. Mirza. She has proved that she is not all that smart afterall.

So apart from sharing the same initials, do the soon-to-be-married have anything else in common? – They both have had sour relations in the past. While our tennis star broke her engagement with this guy named Sohrab Mirza, the cricketer got married to a chick after meeting her online and the nikah was formalized over the phone. And should I add they did not even see each other once when this nikah shit happened? Read on before you begin laughing.

virtual couple

Now the female has filed a case saying he is getting married to Mirza without divorcing her legally. Do not judge Mr. Malik by his marriage act I just mentioned as he is real smart. The cricketer who has had a decent career on the field is now serving a ban for an year. And players from Pakistan have been banned from appearing in IPL too. Left with nothing else to do throughout the year he decides to get married. What better way to save the year from being wasted than accompanying a tennis-star wife and watching her lose all the grand slams. Did I mention madam Mirza is not all that smart?

The couple has already decided to settle down in Dubai. But then they have to obviously go there. If they settle in Pakistan, Sania Mirza will get to meet Mr. Malik‘s nine other wives whom he married over-the-phone, computer, telepathy, letter-tied-to-a-pigeon’s-leg, etc etc. And if they settle in India then Shiv Sena will start their operations in Andhra Pradesh considering their target’s hometown is Hyderabad. And Dubai welcomes anyone who is rich. Got your answer or should I ask proud father Mr. Mirza to make a press statement. He is ever ready.

This marriage is scheduled to happen on 15th of April. Wait and watch whether this kinship transpires or not. They say marriages are made in heaven. Well, maybe. But what about dudes like these who take the marriages bit of it seriously?

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