Absurd Bulletin : Story of the World

I am more alert about what is happening around me and around you, now than ever. A couple of months into it now, I have made it a habit to read newspapers. Yes, I was not always doing that. So I decided to put together some news that refuse to die down for me. There are shitloads of activities happening in every department in the world and this article would be followed up with many of them.

split, everything

So, well we all have read and heard about the mess Tiger ‘philanderer’ Woods got himself into. A Nike endorsee, he couldn’t have done more justice to his brand. He just did it. And went on doing it. The baby-faced golfer thought he could get away with all of that, but his wife thought otherwise. Woods has reached a settlement with his wife and to-be ex-wife Elin and has agreed to pay her $750 million. burp! So to use his golf stick off the field with 3 women excluding his wife he has agreed to pay that much. The agreement also requires Woods to not meet his 2 kids for atleast four days in one week. But I wonder what his wife is going to do with 3500 crores. Go somewhere for a vacation and not comeback?

enough of this ..

Ranjitha – the actress who got instant fame for her infamous fling with Nithyananda is putting down a book which would talk about the ways and means to fight controversies. Yes, I did not expect anyone else to even think on those lines. Some people just cannot live without being in the news. Now that she has tasted fame through the ugly news, instead of finding a safe place to hide her face she came out and announced this. I still pity you, Ranjitha.

leave me be ..

Nalini Sriharan is still in jail after she killed Rajiv Gandhi by blowing him up. For those who do not know its been close to 20 years for her in prison. Rajiv Gandhi did have a hand in Warren Anderson fleeing the country after the Bhopal gas tragedy. Gandhi was India’s prime minister then. Somewhere down the line he did pay for doing injustice to those 500000 people who were affected by the leak. I guess its enough for Nalini, she should be acquitted now.

save our tigers, how?

The country’s tiger count is still at 1411. Forest officials should use some strong aphrodisiac to arouse the male tigers and get them to mate with the tigresses. But with the number of advertisements doing the rounds that speak about the tiger count I get a feeling that all 1411 of them belong to the same sex, and hence the worry.

The condition of hoardings and placards in Chennai remains the same. Karunanidhi and his son Cinthol Senthil have virtually taken up all the ad-space in Tamilnadu. They are all over. They haunt me more than my credit card bills do. Sobriety has reigned most part of the last one month for me, and I am listening to a lot of John Frusciante‘s songs as of now which implies you should get his albums if you have not heard them. His tracks managed to touch me at all the right places.

fvck you, Paul!

Focus. India just lost 3000 crores due to the one-day bandh, but I was still in office. Eight-legged celebrity, Paul is spoiling all the fun at the world cup. How I wish Al-Qaeda is active now. And, a couple of days back TOI carried the world headlines that said Marilyn Monroe‘s chest x-rays fetched $45,000 in an auction, and few days later they said a jam made out of Princess Diana‘s hair is being sold at five pounds in London. Extending the obituary column would have made them richer rather than this news. I mean come on. Who gives a fvck? – even Zygnema doesn’t.

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Scandal progress – Nithyananda arrested

caught you!

After playing hide and seek with his followers and the guarders of law, finally horny godman Nithyananda has been arrested from a district in Himachal Pradesh named Solan. This update completes my trilogy of this scandal. Now that he is in the hands of law lets hope no time is wasted in teaching him a lesson, not for having sex but for misleading his followers and most of all fraud. The arrest has been made by the Bangalore police and they should begin by  dragging him by the hair through the streets of Himachal and then hand him over to the officials of the next state so they can do the same. After all that he did, Nithyananda wanted to live a life of spiritual seclusion. Fuck you motherfucker!

Also read :

A sex deprived godman

Nithyanada quits

Nithyananda quits

burn the priest!

The allegations against godman Nithyananda as a pornstar had not just subsided that fresh crimes are doing the rounds. The very recent one being rape. An American citizen and an (ex)-disciple of Nithyananda has filed a case against him in US accusing him of raping her. This is going to be the most serious charge against swami, and his spiritual beliefs also cannot save him from being raped soon. While swami brushes it aside as another complaint to damage his (unpleasant) image, there in an eye witness here who was asked to guard the door while he fvcked the American. He is also charged for fraud and issuing fake certificates in the name of enlightenment.

This man has a lot more excitement coming his way. So before he faces the music back home, Americans will beat the shit out of him. Whatever is left of the saffron robe will be torn apart here in India by his followers who obviously had no clue of the rape.

After a shameless public display of affection, godman Nithyananda has allegedly stepped down as the head of his Dhyanapeetam Ashram and all its associated trusts. He now wants to lead a life of  ‘spiritual seclusion’. So that means no cameras around this time. But I am afraid to believe that he gave up the post himself. Or should I say he was kicked out.

Also read :

A sex deprived godman

Sex deprived godman

concealing the erection

Nithyananda – yea sounds familiar. I was a stranger to this name until I saw his photo on a magazine cover here in the streets of Chennai. I could not figure out what exactly was written around the picture. His saffron robe told me that he was some kind of a spiritual person. What attracted my attention towards the cover was a skimpily clad female very next to him, and it was evident that there was something fishy. And when I rotated my eyeballs I realized many of the tamil magazines were carrying similar headlines as they had the same man on their cover. He had that air of contentment in his smile that could only mean that he has finally lost his virginity.

Days later I came across the same face in an english daily and the article stated that this man is involved in some sex scandal and an obscene video is doing the rounds with this same man who goes by the name Swami Paramahamsa Nithyananda in the lead. This swami is a godman or bhagwan to many of his followers. Yes there are people like that.

Everyone who heard the news had their own reasons of saying it was not true. Many could not believe their bhagwan (who has the same reproductive organs as them) could be involved in an act as heinous as sex. My concern was different. I was only staring at his pic and wondering what were the women involved in this lacking in their life that they had to take such a step with someone who does not even look like a human-womb creation. But sometime later after discussing this with a friend did I realize where money is involved there is rarely anything impossible. The women have been identified as Yuvarani and Ranjitha, both actresses.

armpit-asan

I happened to see the video somewhere and he looks pretty much in form. I don’t think its morphed (as is being claimed) , neither do I feel there is a clone out there who is so jobless. Rest is pretty clear. This so-called swami who disappeared to save his ass was recently spotted somewhere in the north. When the media questioned him about all this he said he was experimenting in bed. Experimenting? Dude what nonsense. Just look at you. You yourself are an experiment of nature gone wrong. Whom do you think you are fooling?

The reason behind the post getting the title you can read is the fact that I wanted to take the godman’s side for once. It is very much possible that he looked better in his teenage and being deprived of sex for so long made him look even more attractive now. Phew!

Swamiji, its not that you cannot get into the forbidden act with your actresses but wanting to shoot the same so you can masturbate later was a bad idea. Think about it. Pranam.

Also read :

Nithyananda quits

Scandal progress – Nithyananda arrested

Mahajan junior is an asshole

Kumari – a moronic northern princess

Lamb of God live in India – requiem for a dream