I remember the last time I said ‘you suck’ looking at something it was my television. Poor boob tube has no option but to get raped anally by these group of channels that rape each other to stay on top. But the industry that keeps it going for these crippled channels is advertising. There is a blind pact between the two for promoting poop in ways that would make the idiot box creator become alive and shoot himself to death all over again. And, our average human being who picks up that remote to kill boredom falls down even more.
Come, let’s run down five of these everyday commercials that don’t deserve to have even our cumshots on them. Deodorants would not be a part of this list because their mothers called me up to say even they are ashamed of watching their sons/daughters be a part of such feces, and so I should not bother writing about them.
5. Tata Docomo
Vodafone is the father of advertisements when it comes to the telecom industry, and the rest of them trying to imitate will receive a lot of flak here. Tata Docomo has come up with some of the strangest ways of talking about their products. Now they have Ranbir Kapoor on board. What do I say about this dude. I quite like his screen presence in comparison to the rest but it is decisions like these that would make his resume weak. Or, maybe only I think like that. Standup comedy (which ain’t funny here) to promote your product is cool enough but doesn’t Kapoor read what he is saying? They don’t keep it simple, everything about the ad is silly.
Considering it tastes like syrup, for whatever reasons Sprite was consumed till now it sure will see a dip in sales because of this uncool advertisement. Beaten ideas, post-dumb characters and abuse-worthy dialogues present this drink like it definitely should not be drunk. University of Freshology is more fail than that semi-bald Sprite-wielding uncle in the ad who should have retired by now. The spark is definitely missing and is exactly the opposite of fresh. The makers of this ad should look for the next ad film-making crash course that’d be happening at Vodafone.
3. Don’t Worry sanitary napkins
What are they selling? A sanitary pad slips and falls into a lake and the entire lake dries up within seconds. If this is creative then the person who discovered porn was creative as well. How can a woman not get alarmed after watching this advertisement by Don’t Worry (who the fuck are they?). By the looks of it they are trying to pass a message that their napkin sucks out every ounce of liquid from your body and so you’d be hitting menopause the moment you use their tampons.
2. Amul Macho male innerwear
I had more respect for Saif Ali Khan (than he deserves) until I saw this. In his youth Khan proved that he did not have anything filling up his skull, but somewhere in between there was a turn around. Few good flicks got him attention and now that he is getting older (and, richer) his mind is losing it. This footage of him running a race in an Amul Macho vest with some monkey-like antics to finish first is proof enough. Back in the boardroom the company sure must have said Amul Macho – bade aaram se chutiya ban gaya Saifu.
The mother of them all, the only ad that makes people of every race, creed, kind, religion to come together and hurl abuses at is the Idea commercial. Now, I have attacked Abhishek Bachchan so many times on the blog that my brain automatically thinks of him (and a few women) when I’m frustrated. The ‘get idea’ slogan that he has been squawking on and on has registered itself in my cells. I promise to say ‘get idea’ each time I fart on his face, let me get hold of him first. Should be easy, I’ll find him outside some Idea office. I know it is easy to say things on a platform like this but I have made it clear too many times that I hate this chimp, so I’m sure he knows about it by now. The soon-to-be out of work actor will have to fall back on something else. Idea advertisements, it is!
Meanwhile, I have stopped getting ideas.
But don’t worry, I already have more for you –